blendedfamily / coparenting / divorce / exes / goal setting / goals / planning / stepparenting / stepparents

While Gloria’s Away, The Exes & Stepparents Will Play AND Part 1 of 2015 Planner Setup (video)

This week was supposed to be where I show you a day in my crazy life, but you know what they say about the best-laid plans. Things can and will get moved around–but you’re all parents of kids with disabilities! You know how to be flexible by now, right?

Last week I went to Austin, that place I’m from in Texas. It was a gift, a sweet gesture from my husband. Unfortunately, I was sick AND had a lot of deadlines to meet, so it wasn’t exactly stress-free. That said, I did get to meet up with some old friends and Latina Mamis, to plan for a national conference we’re speaking at in March–Color of Violence 4 (COV4) in Chicago–and it was so much fun catching up and being reminded of why I do the community organizing work I do.

***For you special ed parents out there, I’m also speaking at the national COPAA conference in San Diego in March about sped representation from a civil rights/social justice perspective My copresenter is attorney Rosa Hirji, of RKH Law Offices. Come see us and say hi! 

In Texas, I ate a lot of bbq. And queso. Because, really, why go to Texas if you aren’t going to eat queso? I also carried a dozen Taco Cabana tacos back on the plane for Aidan and only ate half by the time we got back to LA (just kidding).

As you can see, the majority of my trip was about food.

While I was out of town, my husband hung out with my EX-husband here in LA. He went over to his new house (I haven’t even been there, yet) and grilled out and ate dinner with my son, his stepsister, my ex, my son’s stepmom, and HER parents. Then sends me the pic below of my ex and out son, and assures me he’s not getting too inebriated because “Angela [my son’s stepmom] is making the drinks”. I can’t make this up, guys.

image

Just plant the whiskey bottle in front of my kid, why don’t you?

People say I’m lucky that my ex and husband get along. While that may be true, one of the unintended benefits of both my husband and I having a past and both having been divorced is, well, we both know how much divorce can SUCK. It makes for a more present/aware marriage. You know, the whole learning from your (many) mistakes? Johnny and I may be poster children for that. It’s just that this time around, we try to do things much differently than we have in the past. Of course, it could just be that my husband and I are just slow learners and this is what other people naturally do…

Whatever the reason, we know that my kiddo with significant disabilities needs his dad around (and we need and deserve the break we get when he goes with his dad). So basically, my ex and his family are family. I have no idea HOW to make exes and spouses and partners get along, I just know that it’s possible.

I do limit my overall time in situations with everyone, because I made myself a promise to know and respect my own limits. (And if you saw me and my ex getting into an argument, or me get into it with his wife, well, you would know that limiting time is a good thing.) But I DO like the idea of my kid hanging out with dad and stepdad and stepmom together, without me. How awesome is that???

Because I was in urgent care this weekend with lady parts problems (if you know me, you will know why me saying “lady parts” is ridiculously funny), there’s no Day in The Life stuff this week. However, for all you planner lovers out there (you know who you are!), here’s a video I did while laying in my son’s bed the other day, of my paper planner setup–it’s part 1 of my 2015 setup for my kid’s needs and project needs. ***It is NOT my client setup, sorry!

FYI, I met most of my Aidan advocacy goals in January and Aidan’s team of people–school, home staff, and -parents/stepparents mostly met their goals. So the paper planner setup is staying the same this month (Google calendar holds actual appointments and syncs across devices). Remember, planning gives you a map, and then tracking tells you where you’re at for your child’s advocacy goals. It’s February, so do it now if you haven’t already!

Till next week…

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